I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
