I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
