38 yer olds are good kisserssss
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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