Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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