Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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