Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
