ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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