My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
