Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
