I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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