O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
