She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
