Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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