She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
