im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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