I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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