Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
