How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
