More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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