I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
