Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
