i think i have herpe
just one?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
