my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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