i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Randomize
