lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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