hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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