me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
