Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
