Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
