i just wanna soil my oats bro
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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