Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
