literally had 100 drinks last night.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
