walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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