walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
