My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
