he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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