i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
