Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
