he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
