on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
