just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
