I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
