I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
