An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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