how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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