He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
