I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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