i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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