so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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