WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I need a beard to bite.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
