At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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