The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
