Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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