so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
