eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
