She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
