3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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