I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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