i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize