I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
