I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
