does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
