i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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