After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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