theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
