In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
