oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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