Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
