Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
