My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
