My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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