yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
