He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
